Saturday, February 20, 2010

Week Two of Treatment

I wrapped up my second week of treatment yesterday. This last week really wasn't bad, although it seems like a bit of a cheat week as I didn't have to do too much - Mom was here and in her usual Energizer Bunny way she cooked, cleaned and shopped enough to get us through the week and prep us for the next couple.

All in all though, I think I've been lucky as side effects go, at least so far; fatigue of course, a touch of nausea periodically, and the last two days some abdominal pain that is not insignificant, but still a mild response.

On Monday, the chemo pump will be removed. Though I'll still have daily radiation, I'm looking forward to the two-week break from chemo. With the pump on showers are not allowed, unless you wrap your upper body in saran wrap and stand with your back to the water, and then what's the point? So I've been taking baths, using great care not to get the pump and the bandages securing the needle in at the port wet. While I might have previously enjoyed a bubble bath once or twice a year in our antique clawfoot, daily before work is just not that enjoyable - and bending over to wash your hair upside down even less so. Then again, I still have a full head of hair to wash!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Stopping to Smell the Roses

I have been thinking quite a bit about how I can learn from this experience, and what good I can extract from it. While I'm sure this will lead to many epiphanies along the way, the first is an instant and intense appreciation for the life I have - the people, the experiences, the love, joy and sense of deep, deep satisfaction. I certainly wasn't oblivious to this before, but perhaps I didn't appreciate it quite as much as I should have?

In discussing with a friend, Tasha, she shared that she and her family keep a journal, each day writing down something that made them happy and something that they hope for in the future - then she sent me a journal, with a pen, thereby robbing me of any excuse. Not surprisingly, I found the greatest joy in very simple pleasures that might be easily overlooked in the chaos of the average day.

Here are just a few of the things that I have noted the last few weeks.

Things that made me happy;

  • Listening to Steve and Van playing the guitar together
  • Skiing with Steve, my Dad and friends at Vail on a blue bird day, with a chaser of beers and pizza on the deck at Vendetta's
  • Ramon, Bella and Van having tickle fights
  • Being awoken from a really delicious nap on a Saturday afternoon by a tiny 'Hi Mama' from the edge of the bed
  • Brooke's braised short ribs and Beth's midnight madness pie - yes, I may be the only patient in the history of cancer to put weight on during treatment, but I figure now is not the time to deprive myself
  • Van started asking for family hugs - over and over
  • My sister-in-law Karen sent me an amazing box of books including old titles that bring a flood of memories from Mrs. Krinsky's high school English class, and new titles that will expand my horizons
  • Holding little Lila for the first time and breathing in that aroma of hope and promise that newborns naturally exude
  • Seeing Scott (a rough, gruff, 230 lb. Gulf War veteran) take time out from watching football with the boys to gently brush his little girl Riley's hair into a ponytail
  • Van and Yenny (his Grandpa) having pillow fights, just as Pop did with us every night when we were kids
  • My mom coming to visit.


Things that I hope for in the future;

  • Despite the great distance between New York and Colorado, Van will come to know Keira, Jimmy and those that follow more as brothers and sisters than as cousins
  • A long trip to Vancouver and the surrounding areas during a big snow year - doesn't it look gorgeous?
  • A year from now, I will reach a point where no doctor will need to write on my body with sharpie markers again - or at least until I am a very, very old woman
  • I will be able to pay forward the many great kindnesses that are being shown to my family and to me every day by friends, family, colleagues and in some cases, absolute strangers.