No Whining Please!

Last week was an 'on' week, chemo Mon-Wed. My doctor had told me that it would start to run downhill at the fourth treatment, but then the fourth went so well I almost didn't believe him. Still, the evening before the fifth I felt a sense of dread and self pity, something I can honestly say I've been able to easily side step up until then. I just want to be done and get back to life as we know it. And on top of that, I had tried to go for a run, but four months of doing little more than walking to the park made for a demoralizing experience. My legs were tight, I was out of breath, and I had to link spurts of walking and running just to get to the the 2 mile mark! Throughout Sunday evening, I was feeling sorry for myself and my inside voice was emitting a high and constant whine. Even online shopping and some smokin' deals on last year's ski wear wasn't enough to pull me out of my funk.


So, needless to the say, the fifth treatment arrived anyway, and it was, as the doctor predicted, worse. The side effects I do have like nausea and nueropathy are a little more extreme and lasting a little longer with each treatment. Plus, a few new side effects have started to pop up. I've noticed a little more hair on the bathroom floor when I'm done with the blowdryer, but luckily given the amount of hair I have, even my hairdresser of eight years can't tell the difference. I do however, seem to be missing most of my lower lid eyelashes suddenly. And I've started to get bloody noses, as the chemo can effect the membranes throughout your body. Super.

So all of last week I felt pretty crummy. And then Steve went off to the mountains for three days of golf, mountain biking and bbq, for Mike's bachelor party. Though I insisted he go, as again this takes nothing from us unless I let it, I knew being a single parent was going to be exhausting!


Despite the pity-party-for-one earlier in the week, as the weekend arrived I started to gain back some perspective, helped in large part by a casual girls night on the back patio with plenty of wine. I only have three treatments and five weeks left, with a long weekend in Napa sandwiched in on a good week to look forward to. And for all the poison being poured into it, my body is still hanging tough! Even as side effects worsen I know that I've metabolized the drugs much better than most, and as a result, I've experienced fewer and less severe side effects than most. I need to be proud of and kind to my body, despite it's wobbly bits and missing eyelashes, as this vessel is carrying me through rougher waters than anyone could have predicted, and we haven't been swamped yet!