Once More Unto the Breach

So I've been delaying putting this out to all, really for no reason than a touch of weariness about having to repeat this story every couple of years, but I am back in treatment.

Though we celebrated a benign result after liver surgery in December, after continued close monitoring, in May we found 3 lymph nodes in the left axilla. I am frankly pissed that I should have cancer in a part of the body I have never heard of, but now know this is the underarm area, where it meets the chest. Extensive tests- brain MRI, PET, bone scans - show no evidence of disease elsewhere, but as it is in the lymph system, we know it can travel. Systemic treatment is the first course of action. Hit what we can see, and what we can't. So, port went back in and I started chemo end of May.

Tomorrow begins round 5, 3 days every other week. I have steeled myself for 12 rounds, through early November, but scans mid August will help us evaluate if this is having the desired effect. If yes, we continue. If no, we try a different cocktail. And in the midst of that, we are going to MD Anderson in Houston for a surgery consult as my team here feels this would be a specialized surgery, one that requires experience with and careful consideration of how to best minimize side effects that might otherwise get in the way of my very active, physical lifestyle. I am grateful that my medical team considers who I am as we chart a course, and that they never let egos get in the way.

It was harder this time mentally, as we had to come to terms with this being a chronic disease. Although I am not in imminent danger today, and there are many options still and more coming every year, this is stage 4 cancer, and I will have to chase this through my body - this will not be the last time. But I am prepared to beat back this brush fire, and the next, and the next after that. It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!

We are good! Although the couple of 'on' days I am exhausted, I tolerate this well and recover quickly. The rest of the time I am me, we are us, continuing to do all the things that make me happy and keep me sane. Still working full time too, though that doesn't necessary land in the 'keeping me sane' category. And as always, we have tremendous support from family, friends and colleagues, with more offers for help than I can count. I am humbled at how that support system mobilizes over and over again, how you all seem to be stronger, increasingly creative in your generosity, and more full of love each time. Sleepover for Van? Family needs to eat? Want to plan an Alaskan adventure? T-shirts made with your new motto printed on them? A little music to soothe the soul? Someone has it covered.

So, what do we need now? I take good juju in all forms. If you pray, thank you. If you rub the belly of your laughing Buddha for luck, I'll take it. If you worship at the alter of wine and ice cream, yes please - I like chocolate and a bold syrah!

Once more unto the breach, my friends. Thank you for being by my side.